Chasing Happiness
by Heather Cat
Summary: A Turk and a martial artist, both bitter. Their story, told in a slightly different fashion. [TifaReno]


**Chasing Happiness**

_A/N – 11 drabbles (except the last - doubble drabble), artistically arranged to have the semblance of plot. Each one represents a conversation, a monologue or either Reno or Tifa thinking. Interpret at will. Each is titled from a track on Billy Klippert's album and starts with a line from the given song. Billy Klippert lyrics, light philosophy and sap warnings apply. _

**Waited**

I've waited for as long as I can, and I don't want to lose again. There are some things in life that are more important than happiness, Cloud. Things like pride, and self-respect. And really, they go hand in hand. If I stay here, I'll just keep pretending it's alright while every day I hate myself a little more. Now that's not happiness.

Goodbye, Cloud. I won't pretend I'm sad to see it end. Just empty. I've waited for too long for something to bloom that's been withered and dead all along. And I will wait no more. Goodbye, Cloud.

**Life #9**

Is your life as hard for you as mine is for me? You actually believe, when you send these letters saying you'll come visit, damned hypocrite that you are. I bet you don't know I miss you, though. That's one thing neither of us counted on. I miss your annoying voice, your rookie mistakes. I miss cleaning up your messes.

But you're not coming back and I'm glad. For your sake I hope you're laughing in the sun, although I doubt it. As it is, this cracked charade of happiness, redemption goes on while I laugh.

God, I miss you.

**Days Are Numbered**

You're all alone, you're all alone. You sold your soul, I told you so. Don't look at me like that. We both know it's a clear case of pettiness. I was right, and you were wrong. Get over it. The fact that you're here and not trying to kill me just goes to show you got royally fucked over.

Happily ever after? Excuse me while I throw up. I know you outgrew that a long time ago, let it go. Happiness these days is at the bottom of a glass, which, if you'd be so kind, please pass me another.

**Levon**

'And he shall be a good man, in tradition with the family plan.' Did anyone ever think that about you, care about you, worry about your future? You'd say no, but I wonder sometimes. You're a hard person to hate, you know? Look at me.

What are you doing now? It's easy to lay down and die when half the world hates everything you ever stood for, but there's more. No? I thought I was supposed to be the bitter one. I guess I was always an idealist, even after everything.

Happiness? It's out there somewhere. I'll show you someday.

**Lost in a Song**

And does she know she's my source of inspiration? Oh, stop that. I know it's a cliché. It's that horrible wine talking. But no... she doesn't. And she never will. Let it drop. There was never anything worth having, but sometimes you just have to wonder.

I miss those days. Remembering it... It's like... No, ain't got the words. God I miss them. Miss her. Miss Laney. Why does it hurt so much? I'm not supposed to feel like this, like I'm dead. Because you can't unless you're alive.

Fuck... I'm crying. I'm begging. Kiss me. Show me I'm alive.

**Just Another Day**

Do you feel cold when you're all alone? You're not the one I thought I knew.

Never expected to be here, not like this. Never expected to get this close, feeling the fire, wanting to be burned. It was an accident. But it happened somehow.

You look almost peaceful when you're asleep. Don't worry, I won't tell. Who'd believe me anyway? All I know is that I was the one who was running away, but somehow I caught you instead. Why can't I hate you?

Do you love me? Stupid thought. But here and now we're safe, and that's okay.

**Scars**

With all our mistakes, we've buried the scars, but we know where they are. Both of us. Can two enemies keep each others' secrets and not be changed? It's funny to think about it that way. Everything seems different now that I know you.

I'm still hurt from what happened, and those scars won't ever heal. Never again to be perfect. But for some reason you don't care. You're the only one who knows the truth, but you come here anyway. Why? Why do I let you in? Compassion shows your scars for what they are.

To me, they're beautiful.

**With You**

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? All we have is today. That's something I learned well during the Shinra days. When death is practically guaranteed, living for the moment isn't optional. It's a given.

Maybe that's why I'm here with you, and you with me, not caring about the rest of the world. Maybe we're looking for happiness in the moment we've got. Maudlin sentimentality gets you everywhere, my dear.

Truth is, I'd rather be here with you right now than anywhere else. You've beaten me down, but this time without gloves or fists. And this time into something better.

**Again**

I'm sitting here, waiting for the sun to shine again and I'm wondering where did the sun go? I have no answers for you. I can't feel anything but numbness. You can leave. You are the last person I want to see.

He sent me a letter, saying goodbye and suddenly I'm broken again. Suddenly everything I wanted is back again and for the first time I know I'll never have it. That happiness I'll never capture, the arms I'll never feel around me. Don't say that! What can you offer me!? Do you love me?

No, I thought not.

**Lindsay**

Another sunset is gone; another place I don't belong. But not yet. And you know why? Because... because there are words that are too hard to say. Because here, for a little while, I was almost happy. Sorry you lost your foot in reality, darling, really, but don't think I give a flying fuck.

Listen to me. Remember the day you came into the bar? When I bought you that drink? Or when I poured my goddamn soul out to you? Fine. I'll see myself out. I don't need to carry anyone else's burden.

But I'll wish I was anyway.

**Reckless Beauty**

You stumble and you fall, but somehow you're still graceful. How can something so imperfect feel so right? But... I called you, and you listened. You were right all along. What can I say but sorry? Some words are hard to say, but they are still a small price to pay for that fleeting moment of real happiness. That moment I had and almost let slip away.

Some things are more important than happiness. Pride, and self-respect. They go hand in hand, really. Because you brought both of them back to me, made me into someone new, better than ever before. I'm only going to say thank you once though, so don't get used to it.

I'll close my eyes, and just say it. I'll understand if you're gone when I open them again.

I love you. I know you don't feel the same. But still it's happiness. You don't love me, I know. It's alright.

But why are you still here then? Why am I staring into your aqua eyes, feeling more scared than I've ever felt before?

Some words are too hard to say, but they are still a small price to pay for happiness.

"I love you."


End file.
